by Maisha Johnson

For a while now, I've been without a church to call my own "home" church. There's no real reason for this, and I'm sure it's not uncommon for college students, busy and away from home, to go for a while without a home church. Recently I've been feeling the desire to find a church of my own. I can feel in my heart that somewhere in this city I live in is a faith community of love and joy, where I can feel comfortable and spiritually grounded.

So far, my search has been a promising one. But I have to admit, the optimism and hope that I've been feeling while looking for a church is somewhat new to me. In the past, I would step into a new church with trembling hands and an anxious heart. I'd sit in the back and stay quiet, reluctant to reveal too much about myself for fear of being judged. I'd pray, I'd sing, I'd prepare myself for the inevitable possibility that something would be said to make me feel offended, misjudged, out of place, or like I was doomed for the fiery pits of hell. And in the end, I would simply accept that this was church, and if I wished to express my devotion to God by attending church, this is what I would have to deal with.

I found my first PC(USA) home church by fleeing from one such experience into the sanctuary of United University Church in Los Angeles, where I felt nothing but welcomed and loved by a congregation that didn't even know me. I was surprised and relieved to discover that my previous experiences were not what make up the universal experience of "church." Since then, my search for a home church has changed. It begins, I'll admit, with the Internet. It ends, usually, with a feeling of comfort as I mingle with people who love each other and show that they would gladly extend their love to me. It turns out there are churches where feminism is not condemned, where all people are seen as equal, and where the focus is not moral judgment but compassion and social justice. These are the kinds of churches that I am looking for.

This past Sunday I continued my search. I wanted to attend church to mark the loss of a friend. It's times like these when I feel something missing without a home church, and the old feelings of anxiety began to creep in. I needed warmth, love, friends and family, and instead I would be spending my Sunday surrounded by strangers.

Oddly enough, I hardly noticed the difference. I was visiting a Presbyterian church with a small, close-knit congregation that welcomed me as one of their own. I didn't tell anyone why I was there, but when the time came to say prayers aloud I silently offered prayers for my friend and I felt that somehow I was heard. I even ran into a friend and member of NNPCW, Heather Grantham. I watched as the congregation said a heartfelt good-bye to one of their friends and staff members, and warmly welcomed Heather in her place. I felt that it was a place I could potentially call home.

If we want to follow Jesus' example we must pay attention to how he treated outsiders. I am grateful for everyone who has done as Jesus would, reaching out a hand when I felt alone and making me feel loved.

What do you look for in a home church? What do you love most about your church?

Maisha is an NNPCW Coordinating Committee member. She attends San Francisco State.