The number one principle that everyone in Sunday school learns, first thing, is that God told us to "love thy neighbor". It makes sense that this is the first thing to learn at young age, I’m sure it cuts down on rowdiness in the classroom and potential fist fights breaking out before service begins. This message inevitably gets lost somewhere between middle school and high school graduation, because at that point, parents become concerned on just how much love their son or daughter is showing their neighbor. But now, somewhere between the beginning and the end of college, I’m starting to wonder just how much love is a good thing.

It’s a legitimate question for any person of any age to ask him or her self, but especially for a young woman like me. I go to a large school (over 30,000 students) in an even larger city (over 600,000 people) at a very urban campus. On a daily basis I interact with people from all walks of life, background, race, nationality, political persuasion, religion, sexuality, etc. We’re a diverse group, I must say, even within classes. While I try very hard to approach each situation with the love God would want me to show, I find that I fail most often in the little interactions: I ignore people begging on the street when I’m walking alone, I often forget important details involving friends—like their birthdays or what classes their taking. The biggest failure, I think for most people in my city, involves driving. If I’m behind the wheel, I will vocalize my opinions (rarely positive ones) about the people driving around me and especially the pedestrians walking nearby. Especially when I’m walking (which is most of the time), any car that comes near my crosswalk, regardless of the stoplight color, is almost always subjected to the dirtiest of looks. If looks could kill, that taxi cab driver would be dead, buried, and decomposed.

This semester in particular, I find myself wondering just what God meant by love your neighbor. Did He mean love them like you would your best friend or your family? Love them like your boyfriend? Because honestly, there are plenty of times when I question my love for all of those people, especially my family (we’re a kooky and opinionated lot). I mean, I love them at the end of the day, but there are plenty of times when I don’t especially like them. So can you love someone without liking them? And what kind of love is that?

Everyday, I wake up, and sincerely hope I do not interact with my next door neighbor, Paul. Literally, I have trouble loving my neighbor. He drives me absolutely crazy, and the worst part is, I’m not totally sure why. Outwardly, he’s a very nice fellow, but something about his manner seems to be off. It’s a serious thing, in a study abroad program of 9 people (yes, I’m studying abroad, forgot to mention that earlier) to thoroughly dislike someone, because you’re constantly with them. We live together and have class together, but thankfully do not work together. So four days a week, I’m guaranteed eight to ten Paul-free hours. But that doesn’t help the social time when it’s hard for eight of us to hang out without him, or to invite the boys from next door over, but leave him out of the invitation.

In my defense, I do have a little bit of justification for disliking him. He’s very demeaning toward women but in a chivalrous way. He constantly treats my roommates and me like we cannot handle anything. No, we can’t walk to the store by ourselves at 3:00 in the afternoon—it would be unsafe. No, four girls can’t go out to bars in a very safe neighborhood as a group—it’s not ok. We can’t even carry our groceries up the stairs. Again, this all sounds like a great thing—a man around the place to help out opening jars and reaching things on the high shelves—but it’s actually fairly insulting. All five of the women in my apartment have been managing independently for a few years now; we’re perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves. Moreover, the tension came to a head two weeks ago when Paul attempted to condone rape in the military because most of the rapes occurred when both parties are drunk. He left our apartment and hasn’ t been back since then, and honestly, I’m not sure he’ll ever be welcome again.

So, do I have to love him? To be a good Christian who follows God’s word, do I have to love him the way I would love my brother? I just can’t decide. I know I don’t hate him; for instance, if he was in physical danger, I ’d probably protect him if I could. I’m not planning on pushing him in front of a bus any time soon, but I’m also not planning on inviting him over for a cup of tea to hear about his day or to welcome him into my apartment to watch "Grey’s Anatomy" with the rest of us. There’s a clear line in my mind—I don’t want to be his friend, but I don’t want him to be tortured or killed or anything remotely similar. Essentially, as long as nothing horrible happens to him on my watch, I think we’ll be fine politely ignoring one another. I don’t sit or stand near him during class, and during our weekly full program dinners, I politely ignore his every word or movement. Basically, I pretend he does not exist, unless by societal standards, it would be rude not to acknowledge him. Again, I ’d save his life if I had to (I feel somewhat responsible for the bodily well-being of those around me, and even to some degree his emotional well-being), but in every interaction, I do just enough not to feel guilty. I behave, as best I can, above reproach. Can that be considered showing God’s love? Or, if nothing else, can I have a get out of sinning free card, because I’m human and I can’t always rise above? I’ll be looking for the answer in my prayers, and until then, I’ll just keep hoping that God loves Paul enough that I don’t have to.

Virginia Hines
Boston University (Boston, MA)
NNPCW Coordinating Committee

Yay Virginia!!! I thought the tone of the blog post sounded familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on who it was til I read the by-line. Seems like you're doing well. I miss seeing you once a semester! And I love the blog post! It's something that I constantly wrestle with as well. Great job!