Another school year, another commencement celebration, another influx of recent graduates forging their way into the world. Just as Holy Week provided me with a whole litany of themes to draw upon for blog posts, the end of the academic year provides a host of topics of its own to mull upon. Since I’m not feeling particularly inspired regarding any current events or deep-fried candy bars this morning, I’ll reflect on a much more prosaic issue….

“How do I get involved or stay involved with a faith community after I graduate?”

First of all, let me say that we’re forging into territory that isn’t a strong suit of Christian denominations. Churches tend to be very family-oriented, as we all know. And up until the last, oh, say, 40 years, that has worked pretty well. Between 1900 and 1970, the average age of a woman at her first marriage was somewhere around 20 or 21 years old. We were getting married early and probably starting families early, too. The church was, and is, well adapted to that traditional structure.

In 2003, according to the Census Bureau, that median marriage age had jumped to 25.3 years old. We’re also delaying having children, and many of us aren’t getting married or having children at all for various reasons. Even for couples who are married, who do have children, family priorities mean something very different. Moms are working outside the home and can’t devote hours to volunteer work at the church. Dads understand that they also have a responsibility for childcare and home life—they can’t and often don’t want to abandon the wife and kids for a six hour session meeting or a week of travel to Louisville.

The women’s groups or campus ministries that may have nurtured you in college understood the new realities well, and are probably on the cutting edge of catering to the shift. But this is a wake-up call, for those of you living in that happy bubble—congregations aren’t necessarily like that. It will probably be a lot harder “out there” to find a place where you feel safe, where you feel comfortable, that really responds to your needs.

So how do you find that, outside of time-consuming and discouraging “church shopping?” If you need help, NNPCW is here to provide it! If you’re moving to a new city and looking for the buzz on churches, drop me an e-mail. I may know of some active alumnae in the area whom you can be in touch with, regardless of your denomination, or through our connections in other offices may be able to find out more about churches or Presbyterian Women’s groups in a city and make suggestions.

You may already know this, too, from college, but it bears revisiting—when you’re looking at faith communities, be realistic—not every church will have everything you’re looking for. Otherwise, it would be a carbon copy of your old church! Instead, evaluate the traits you value from your current faith community, and then prioritize them. Then look for communities that share similar values and who have ministries that you might like to get involved with. For instance, if your passion lies in anti-poverty initiatives, look for churches where members share that passion. Then you can either plug into what they are already doing, or you can start something up. If you love mission, look for a church that has a mission outreach in the community or regularly sends work groups to other places. If the worship puts you to sleep, though, that might be a sign…. You need to be in a place that challenges you to think, too.

And for those of you who can’t find that, perhaps you could start your own thing. Find friends seeking spiritual community, and start a group. Meet in a coffeeshop or church basement once a week, talk it up to your friends, advertise on Craig’s List or in the alternative weekly for new people. Create an atmosphere of laid-back hospitality by offering donuts or cookies. Use elements of formal worship, interspersed with pieces that address the group’s spiritual needs. Start with some sort of sacred space, and then see where it goes from there.

Don’t forget staying involved on the national level, too. There are loads of church committees, all looking for new members. Two committees in the Presbyterian Church (USA) you can apply to join are the Advocacy Committee for Women’s Concerns, which lifts up the voices of women to the church’s decision-making bodies, and the Advocacy Committee for Racial Ethnic Concerns, which focuses on people of color. You’ll get an in-depth knowledge of current church policy, and an opportunity to advocate directly to church leadership on behalf of the marginalized.

Again, don’t be afraid to utilize our office as a resource. If you have a particular passion, from reproductive issues to mission and evangelism, we can help you find the faith group that addresses it and get you involved. In fact, I like to think that this is something of a specialty of ours!

This may have provoked more questions than answers. But one thing to keep in mind—you’ll only be as successful finding faith community as you want to be. If you have a commitment to spiritual growth, know that we are also committed to helping you find spaces where that can happen. That support doesn’t end with your college experience.

“Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but of many.” --1 Corinthians 12:14

Kelsey