It is Thursday, and the rat race is almost over. Tomorrow the office is throwing a wedding shower for me, and after that I ride off into the sunset for three weeks while someone else takes over blog-writing responsibilities. I’m not sure who will do this yet, but I have until tomorrow to find out!

To be perfectly honest, I’ve been a bit discouraged writing the blog of late. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, I think I’ve been feeling my own fallibility, my own brokenness. I can posit my opinions on particular topics, and perhaps you take them as true. You assume that I know what I’m talking about, you like how I say it, whatever.

But really, in many ways I am just like you all. I see and react to the world around me, doing my best to understand it through the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Yet my worldview is also swayed by a variety of influences, just as yours is. I am a white woman, daughter of union-wage middle class parents, product of a private college, in a good job, soon-to-be wife of someone with a good job. I look at the Bible, too, from the scarred eyes of a former Pentecostal-turned Presbyterian-turned who knows what in the years to come. I come from a family that has not always had privilege, but I have a lot of privilege myself.

I often feel like I sway between those competing perspectives, too. Sometimes those conflicting identities impact how I react to certain topics. There are times when I wonder whether I am the rich young man in the Bible, who loves the faith but isn’t willing to give up all he has for it. I struggle with call, feeling that God put me in this place and gave me these tools to work for greater good, but not being sure how to best live it out.

Change brings out funny things in us, doesn’t it? The changes coming in my life—getting married, quitting my job, moving to a new city, starting graduate school—have put me in a place of questioning unprecedented since I graduated from college. At that time, though, I don’t think I even had the social consciousness or theological depth to know the questions to raise. My three years in Louisville have been immense years of spiritual and personal growth. And in that growth, I’ve become even more aware of how long the journey of discipleship really is.

When I came out of college, I had a very clear sense of call to this work. The call to the new life is there, too, as I continue that growth. But as I move forward, I am more concerned than ever to remain faithful to the call God has placed upon me.

As for the blog, the other part of my discouragement is that even as I struggle with these questions of call and purpose at this critical juncture of my life, I’m afraid to open up that journey to you. I’ve hoped that Network Notes would be meaningful not because I necessarily said anything profound every day, or told you all about the workings of the Network, but rather because I had enough honesty and courage to walk on this journey with you. I coveted your respect as a writer because I had enough integrity to ask the hard questions. And I don’t really feel like I’ve been doing that lately.


I’m hoping that my long hiatus from blogging, and getting over the hump of the wedding, will bring me back to a place where together we can ask those questions. And as we all face change, may we be guided and comforted by knowing that God is on this journey with us, working through us to show love to all humanity.

“Not that I have already obtained this or have already reached the goal; but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.” --Philippians 3:12

Kelsey

Two things that my father likes to tell me:
"The only constant is change."
"The only time you should stop questioning is the day you die."

And if you need me to, I would be willing to blog once or more in your absence.

Hi Kelsey,
Thanks for your blogging. I have enjoyed reading your posts. Just remember hang on to the one who is unchanging and faithful, Jesus Christ your Lord.
May your wedding and married life be blessed with his grace and love.
Viola

Three cheers for Kelsey's blogging! And for sending me the new Sisters Together! And for Lindsey's offer to blog in your absence!

I have been so grateful for this way to stay in touch with NNPCW and with your life, Kelsey . . . and to reflect on my own journey through the reading of yours . . .

I also offer my blogging services at some point in the next three weeks if you need it . . .

Gusti

Kelsey -- no worries about your blogging discouragement. We all love you, and look forward to what you're writing, whatever it is. =)

Gusti -- Hey! I hear you're in Boston these days! Any chance you'll be coming down to DC any time soon? I've got to get cracking on getting work-related trips to Boston...all the cool people are going there!

Rebecca Morrison