I almost called 911 on our cat this morning.

It was 6:30 am when the alarm insistently intruded its way into my pleasant slumber. I had just started the eternal debate about whether I actually wanted to get up when I suddenly heard someone trying my door. Now, because I’m afraid of the boogeyman (see networknotes.blogspot.com/2005/07/living-with-boogeyman.html), I always lock my bedroom door when I sleep. My first thought? “Dear Lord, someone is trying to force his way into my room!!” I jumped out of bed and grabbed my cell phone, which I leave on all night anyway, and immediately dialed 911.

But then the rattling and banging stopped. “Perhaps the intruder is running for the door before I call 911,” I mused, “so I’ll wait.” Paralyzed with fear, I debated whether to call my mom in Washington state or David in Boston (for all the help that they could give me), while also thinking about what weapon lay close at hand to defend myself against the attacker. I reached into my closet, grabbing a large umbrella with a wooden handle. I then waited, clutching 911 in one hand and my weapon of defense in the other.

Finally, with silence on the other side of the door, I tentatively cracked it open. THE STUPID CAT WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE. Apparently, when Cleo heard my alarm go off, he took that as the signal to lay siege to my bedroom (which is normally off-limits to him). He’s lucky I’m nonviolent at heart, or I would have done to him what I’d planned on doing to the intruder.

This, friends, is why I hate cats. Cleo knows that it freaks me out when he bangs on my bedroom door, and so he does it with great gusto. Cleo knew that our roommate Amy didn’t like him much, so he pooped on her favorite living room futon… as she watched. This is a cat that had to leave his last home because he frightened small children. When we all move out of the apartment in a few weeks, I will not miss Cleo. Dogs scare burglars away. Cats imitate them.

This morning’s incident, though, highlights an important issue for me. As a single woman who will soon live alone, how can I make myself more secure? I’ve thought about taking an adult education self-defense class that will be offered this fall. My umbrella will now become a permanent fixture underneath my bed. Frying pans make good weapons, too, I’m told.

Where I’m from in rural Washington, many people (my parents included) slept with guns close by… and my mom has met a few strange characters at the door with Dad’s hunting rifle. Now, I’m not about to sleep with a gun under my pillow. But I suppose it is the logical extension of the measures I’m talking about.

On an ethical level, though, this sort of knee-jerk response of combating violence with more violence seems only to perpetuate the problem. We see that sort of thing on a macro level every day, as countries continue to see more weapons as the way to protect themselves from the “bad” countries. If I don’t agree with that, why would I see extremely violent measures as a path to my own individual security?

I realize that we live in a fallen world, in a violent and chaotic society where the strong have dominated the weak since the beginning. I also know that Jesus calls us to live in peace with our neighbors—and we know from the Good Samaritan parable that all people are our neighbors. Should we as Christians respond realistically to this world, and sleep with our frying pans, or can we actually manage to pay attention to that crazy guy, Jesus? Even when living in peace with all people might mean being incredibly naïve by the world’s standards?

I may not always be able to resist grabbing the umbrella when the cat attacks my door. I will certainly continue to sleep with all my doors locked. I pray, though, that God will liberate me from fear. Perhaps then, I can meet all the boogeymen in my life with an overpowering, overwhelming frying pan of love.

“Salt is good; but if salt has lost its saltiness, how can you season it? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.” --Mark 9:50

Kelsey

I agree... Cleo has my vote for the stupidest cat. It's a good thing you don't let that cat out of the house, because he'll get run over trying to play with a car's tire.

thich nhat hanh says your only weapon should be love. so, next time an intruder makes their way into your home, make them breakfast. as for the cat, get a dog.

If we believe that any person can be redeemed, can that same redemption be extended to corrupted cats like Cleo? I try to live a life committed to nonviolence, but that cat pushes it. I know I swatted it a couple of times (especially when it bit); so I don't think anyone would blame you for reacting likewise. Cleo made me very glad I'm not living on the pet floor this year!